Monday, September 29, 2014

A Sunrise Blessing

A Sunrise Blessing

Sept 29
How blessed am I? I was able to watch the sunrise with my toes in the sand and the sound of waves crashing in my ears. Such a precious gift. From sunrise to sunset I must find the beauty and joy that is the gift brought to me each morning. The gift is life and it's mine to make. I may not control everything within my gift of a day but I can find the opportunity in all that it offers whether good or bad.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Alcohol is my issue not yours

Aug 17
I go to my meetings because my life is out of control because of alcohol. Your life is not out of control you are in complete control of your drinking and life. Due to drinking I was criticized and insulted. This lead me to feel depressed, angry, unloved, and my self-esteem crashed. Add to it when we go to bars you try to sleep with someone else another blow to my esteem and an instant jealous monster takes over. Yes, my life and my emotions were out of control due to my reaction to your drinking. 

Alcohol is my issue not yours. You even falsely labeled yourself a "functioning alcoholic".  You don't live in a cardboard box, you pay your bills, you have a job, you're a good dad. Drinking does not interfere with any part of your life. You "function" fine. You go to work everyday and you're very good and successful at your job. You never call in sick and the only reason you're late to work is issues beyond your control.... you're too tired to get motivated- you're a night owl; you need a second morning BM - that's nature; you have to throw up- that's indigestion. Beyond your control. Your personal life has been a little rocky lately because your wife can't live with you, but that's her problem not yours shes's the one that had the issues. She is actually a "dysfunctioning wife" while you are a "functioning alcoholic".

Al anon is helping me learn how to live my life and not let my issues with alcohol Make me insane

Sunday, July 6, 2014

There are NO mistakes only lessons

July 6

I messed up last night. I said something I shouldnt have said. It was a mistake. The movie I rented said there are NO mistakes. So really it was meant to happen as such I could explore the lesson it gave me. Sure it would be easiest to walk away to start over with someone new. But I love a challenge. Maybe it's my competitive nature. I also love you for the amazing person you've been and for the amazing person you've yet to become. Our lives are really only beginning and I hope we can continue growing and loving one another.

So I made a mistake and I can accept it as a mistake or I can learn and grow from it. The words were the trigger but the feelings that lead to the words are the real problem. I have jealousy and insecurities that still need more time to heal. I may not be ready to partake in this part of your life.

While you may not have cheated on me, you built a life outside of me. I'm grateful for that. If that didn't happen, if I  didn't hit rock bottom and get handed my last straw when you didn't come home, things would have never changed. I would have locked myself away miserable in the craft room  and you would have been miserable on the back patio. I know I was depressed and consumed with anger for a very long time and it was making me a stressed-out mom, wife and employee. Because we've changed our living arrangements (and yes you have this huge expense) we're not the depressed miserable people we were. Sure I can sit here and only assume you were miserable and depressed because you were restricted to the patio, but you sure came off that way.

While I'm grateful you built this life outside of me because it has awaken me to the significance of the problems in our relationship, this outside life is a strong point of jealous. I felt rejected, casted side, abandoned. Those are hard feelings to overcome, so when I get a glimpse into that life and I remember that pain I just want to lash out and be hurtful, so you can feel a little of what I feel. I was irrational and hateful. You've shown me that I haven't been abandoned that you care deeply about me. And you have shown such amazing progress by not returning the hate. I'm sure your anger was unbearable and you could have attacked me and returned the pain, but you took the higher road. You let your feelings be known without attacking and trying to return that pain.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Lady Antebellum Moment at 2AM

June  17
2 AM you we're on my mind so I sent you a message. You didn't reply so how am I suppose to feel. I was having a lady antebellum need you now moment. So I feel lonely, rejected, and confused. 

This every other day is perfect for you. I guess it's great for me, too. I always know which night I get fucked and which night you'll bitch me out. Living together it was always random whether dickhead You would show or   The other you. Clearly you can't change. The nasty tirades go on and my cold, protective layer thickens.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Boat For Sale

Manufacturer match. Has on oil injector. You Do Not mix the oil with the gas. 352-513-4264. EVERYTHING works. Boat and trailer. Worked on by certified Yamaha Mechanic. Was on the water Easter weekend. First salt water experience. I need a pontoon boat. (will consider trade for pontoon). Almost all controls, seats, carpet, batteries, lights, gauges less than a year old. Fresh full tank. New water separator. Nothing cheap. All Yamaha (including the the fuel bulb and lines). Front foot switch for tilt and trim motor. Trolling motor has less than 20 hrs use. Both deep cycle batteries are enclosed. Live well and bilge pump work great. New cleats. Trailer is in good shape. New tow in rope and hook. A must see. Will consider payments with large deposit. I hold title to boat. Not a dealer. Just a family guy. 352-287-0749 (TEXT OR CALL). 1987 skeeter bass boat with 70hp 2 stroke etlh. VERY CONFIDENT IN MY BOAT. $2800

  • Location: florida
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